Things that were more organic before now need more attention and care. Like yourself. It's not a simple life. Constantly trying to keep it simple and knot free is an unrelenting task.
Its almost 2 years since Rheea and I started on our Leela journey. Unconsciously, subconsciously, consciously, this has been the most knot-free phase of my life.
A lot of things happened pre-Leela that allowed me to take a good look at myself and reboot.
It's not as dramatic as I make it out to be, the melodrama is just a result of writing a blog for the first time in my life. Since this is our first Leela blog, I couldn't not start on a reflective and 'philosophical' note.
While I gained confidence in the person that was in the making for the last 27 years (then), THAT also gave me the strength to look at myself, like really look at myself. Taking note of things I sucked at. I was never and still not am a person who is very ambitious career-wise. I am not somebody who has defined career goals, who wants to be remembered by the body of work she has created or the money she had made. That doesn't mean that I don't put in effort or heart into what I do, or that I don't have sleepless nights over making something better. The fact that I never really wanted to make 'great' works of design or art bothered me before. But then I accepted it. I had a problem with the glorification of my industry, but I realised I didn't have to be a part of it. If I didn't find making(designing) a cushion cover /bed sheet/ hoarding/poster/brochure glorifying then that's the truth and I can live with it. I was more comfortable with the way I approached my work. It was more about the day and what I wanted from that day. I always derived enough life from smaller things I made or worked on. At a very micro level. An origami a day. A small project which turned out perfect. An idea in my head. It didn't matter who saw or who didn't. I am still not tremendously outgoing with sharing my work. But now, I can trace my journey and that itself gives me enough peace. I know how my mind has evolved and integrated with the way I work and lead my life. It's not 2 separate things.
To summarize an already summarized blog, I have been working on myself a lot in the last 2 years, a lot of watering, pruning, changing soil, shading. Everything to get larger inside.